Subbu, the Mahatma and the Goat

It was 9:30 in the morning and Subbu felt terribly bored. He could hear the Memoirs of Mahatma Gandhi rhyming in the background in a monotonous Kottayam accent. It was very evident that the Mahatma had little effect on Sunny sir's spirits. The class was silent and everybody had their eyes glued to their textbooks.Subbu looked out, scanning the corridor, searching for any “out standers”. Not a single one-Not even outside “Kamsan’s” dangerous darbar. He felt sad. Surely this isn’t going to be a good day for him. Even the boundary walls were clean of new literary ventures on Zeena madam’s anatomy.These calm mornings have always given way to torturous evenings in his case. The uneasiness started creeping in as Subbu zoomed out his vision back to the class. Drop a pin here and you could here it’s echo across the room.Everyone seemed to be so much interested in Mahatma Gandhi that Subbu simply couldn’t resist listening. Sunny sir was reading through the earlier ages of Gandhiji when suddenly the topic seemed to turn towards Subbu’s arena of interest. As Sir Sunny rushed through the passages involving Mahatma Gandhi eating mutton for lunch and visiting a brothel with his friend, Subbu looked around to spot some mumblings and giggles-but in vain.Even his buggy benchmate Suresh sat dumb and his sleepy eyes lay out of focus on “The Russian Revolution”.

Subbu felt some fresh wind inside.All this time, the thought of being the only stray idiot around had pricked his morale and now to find his best friend grazing over a history book in an English class room made him feel really good. He looked around in a victorious charm.

“OK Children Listen Up. There are lot of difficult words in this book that you don’t know.I am here to answer you.Start reading the passage” Sunny Sir raised his voice for once. Suresh jerked a little, looked at Subbu and got back to Russion Revolution.

Subbu started reading.As he read, he felt the pages getting blurred.The tiny black letters started to spread across his book and outside to the desk and the floor and then to the walls engulfing every little ray of light in the room.Everything went dark and a cold wind hit him.

Subbu felt the leaves crunch beneath his feet and the fog sweep over his face. He could see two long skinny legs moving before him.Subbu looked up to see a half naked man with a balled head and a walking stick in his left hand. From his right hand, started a rope which ended on Subbu’s neck.Subbu looked around in disbelief. He could see his hairy white body now and his four legs and he could feel his tail wag from behind.Subbu cried out loud but all he could hear was a long and loud “Mbeeeeeeeeeee”.The skinny bald man started pulling him harder as they crossed the shallow forest and reached an isolated river bank.
The bald man tied the rope to a tree stub and turned around- his long stick pointing skywards.As Subbu stared at the skinny face wondering where he had seen him before, he saw a glimpse of the long stick coming down fast.A sharp streak of light flashed in his eyes and everything went totally dark.

When he woke up, Subbu found himself falling down a lighly lit translucent tube.Is this some kind of a dream? Subbu wondered.He started to pich himself but his whole body was covered in some kind of sticky fluid that he couldn’t grip his own skin.

At the end of the tube , he could sense something burning-he could feel the heat.Where am I? Subbu wondered.Surely this isnt some water sport that he is in.This is his journey to hell.At the end of it lie the devil’s kitchen where he would get himself deep fried in boiling oil.A well deserved end for all his misdeeds.



As Subbu spiralled down throught the slimy hole, he heard some feeble sounds-like people talking.Subbu tried to listen.He could hear some women talking now.At first he thought those were his teacher’s.They would have been brought here to supervise the frying process – and make sure he doesn’t go down easily.But on closer notice , Subbu found that the talks were too abusive in nature to suit any of his teachers.These were street talks – abuses of the highest degree and since they sounded female, Subbu knew exactly who they were and he knew exactly what was happening to him.For all his mischiefs-for drawing monkeyface on the board-for cheating in class tests-for making up stories about Father Jose and Zeena madam-for nicknaming teachers and for all the other endless trouble he had caused in his little life, he is now being fried alive along with all the dirtiest whores of the streets.He could feel the fall getting faster.The talking ladies sounded more close. Any time now , he would be spiralled out into the hottest and filthiest death pool of hell.
Suboo gave one final cry “Mbeeeeeeeeeeeeee” and then another and then again.And as he continued crying his throat out, he felt the fall slowing down.The atmosphere started to get cooler.He could here some very soft voices outside now- as if someone whispering or praying perhaps.

The sticky tube started to become thinner and thinner as it finally melted away.Subbu was in free fall now.He could no longer hear the abusive ladies nor could he feel the death pool’s heat.An old male voice was still praying.For once Subbu felt as if it was the Devil himself praying for forgiveness.
Everything around turned white as snow and he felt as a snow flake waltzing its way down in the gentle breeze.He hoped this fall would never end.


“Standup you Idiot .Where is your English textbook?”

The snowflakes vanished in a second.The spirall tube,the prostitutes,the praying devil and the skinny bald man flashed before him one last time and a bunch of dark little letters started to crawl back into Subbu’s vision.

“I am asking you again-Where the hell is your English textbook?” Sunny sir was fuming as he churned Suresh’s large ear’s between his fingers.

“I forgot to bring it sir” Cried poor Suresh

“Ok.Then tell me what incident made Gandhiji become a vegetarian”.
As Suresh started to stammer, the next question was shot
“What did Mahatma Gandhi learn after going to the brothel”
By this time two of Suresh’s ears where doing circles under Sunny sir’s strong palms.

The bell rang just in time and poor little Suresh relaxed.

During lunch break Suresh asked Subbu
“Hey do u know why Gandhiji became vegetarian and what he did at the brothel?”
and Subbu said “Ofcourse I do. I was there when he did it”
As Suresh stared at him in utter discontend, Subbu smiled and said –“It’s a long story.I will tell you next class”